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Q: If my newborn is fussy, and I’ve eliminated diaper change and burping, I don’t want to just assume that he’s hungry and nurse him. However, if he is acting hungry but it’s not “time” to feed him, can I assume he really is hungry? (The question being: will he act hungry and “root” if he is just gassy or in need of TLC?)

I just don’t know what to do with the fussiness. I feel bad because I don’t know what’s wrong. What did you do with Ethan those first weeks when he was so unhappy? What was your method of elimination?

A:No one likes to hear a crying baby – especially the mom of a newborn. It so tugs on your heartstrings, that all you want to do is drop everything and make it all better for the little one. That’s the way God made us as women – as the nurturers of the world…

In my experience (and I’m no expert) when mine have been rooting, that’s been exactly what they wanted – to eat. If nothing else you’re teaching him cause and effect – when he roots, he gets nursed. Gassy is usually a different type of crying, but sometimes it takes a few weeks to differentiate between the specific cries. (As for TLC, I’m SURE that he’s getting LOTS of that! I mean, you ARE a mom!!

So far as how to eliminate what’s wrong, I kind of think of it like spinning a wheel. You start with “is he hungry?”, then go to “need to burp?”, “diaper change?”, “change of scenery?”, “gassy?”… and then you start all over at the top again. Probably not the most effective method out there, but the only sane one I could figure out.

Of course, there’s always the possibility that he’s crying just to cry. Babies sometimes do that too. That’s why one of the best pieces of mommy advice I got at one of my showers was that it’s okay to let them cry for 5, 10, even 15 minutes at a time because sometimes it’s the only exercise that a baby gets. Of course, you’ve got to balance that with whether or not it’s just a fussy cry, or it’s a screaming, hurting cry. But, then I think most moms have enough snap to figure that one out!!

One last thing is to keep an eye on the clock. Sometimes babies have a fussy time of day. Kate’s was from about 3-6pm every afternoon. I just had to get used to the fact that during that time of day she wasn’t going to be very happy, and it actually helped me plan any outings so that we would NOT be away from home during that fussy time. It also helped me be more patient with her and not freak out as much because I knew it was just that time of day and it would be over soon.

Most of motherhood, I’m finding, is just trial and error and guess work. So, don’t feel incompetent, just take a deep breath and keep trying different stuff and see what works. I’ll end this with another piece of GREAT mommy advice (from the mom of 3 grown girls) given at a shower I recently attended: As a mom, you tend to have a sixth sense about your kids. One of the hardest things is learning to just go with your gut instinct, because you’re always second guessing yourself. But, if you’ll give yourself a break and start to believe in yourself and the instincts you have about your children, you’ll soon find that most of the time your instincts were totally right.